STILL IN JAIL

Still in Jail, March 9, 2014…

 

     I cannot imagine what it is like to sit in jail for almost a year, doing nothing.  I must qualify nothing: no occupation, no responsibility, except for oneself, for showers, shaves and good behavior!   Nothing includes three meals a day, bars on the small room where he spends 22 hours each day, two hours of “freedom” every day.  Freedom also must be qualified: two hours in which to shower, phone a friend or relative, shop at the commissary, walk around, watch TV.  How do you stay so calm, I asked, “found the holy spirit” was the answer, accompanied by a shrug.

     I did not ask for a definition, did not wonder about the use of capitals or lower case.  We Jews do not talk much about a specific “holy spirit” and yet there is a special spirit to our worship and our beliefs. My answer to his answer was, “whatever works for you, I’m satisfied.”  “Oh don’t worry, I plan to go to synagogue with you!”  If I was non-plussed,  I did not show it, we went on to talk of other things.

     I cannot imagine what it must be like to wait and wonder what will happen next, have no one to talk it over with.  The attorney has no time. His mom and I visit for a half hour each every other week.  How much real talking can you do in that kind of time, especially when someone else is always listening?  Not much!

     I too worry and anguish over what’s next; I wonder what is going on in his head?   It does not matter that I have almost run out of reassurances.  I never run out of “I love you!”  I hope it and my hopeful spirit are enough.  He was sentenced today and his spirit did not flag.  The attorney said, “He has learned so much in jail!”  Would you believe that, but it is true!