Our Love Affair,
A
Memoir………………………………………………………………..7/4/16
Ag Herman
Sixty-three and ½ years were not enough; he turned away, unwilling to
say goodbye. I stood by his bed,
tearfully reluctant. We had started our
journey so many years ago. Together we
had crawled under each other’s skin. We
were in love, we were in step; we understood each other perfectly.
I met Erv Herman when I went to Ohio for a position with
Family Service of Cincinnati. I had two
phone numbers in my pocket “in case you are lonely”. A friend of a friend knew a boy at the Hebrew Union College,
training ground for want-to-be Reform (Progressive) Rabbis. In addition I had the number of a young
minister; a friend in school had a friend in Cincinnati who was an Episcopal
pastor. From my Mother I also had
serious, explicit instructions: “do not bring home a clergyman”! I never asked why. I was busy thinking about my new job, new city and hopefully, new
friends.
Soon I was lonely: my middle-aged colleagues at Family Service
went to lectures and meetings during their time off, I was looking for fun at
the 22 year old level. So I called the
Hebrew Union College and brought greetings from my friend in New York. It worked like a charm. I had visitors the next Saturday
afternoon. One New York student and one
from Baltimore, they also had a younger boy in tow: he was their driver. I never did find out if they paid him for
the 12-mile ride or whether he just liked to be part of what the big boys were
doing.
The afternoon was fun.
It was during our Jewish holiday of Passover that they visited. I
apologized to the - would be - rabbis that I had nothing to serve them except
Pepsi-cola which was stamped “kosher for Passover”. “You are Jewish?” They
asked in surprise! “Agnes Gilbert” was
a name without a specific derivation or definition, very hard to identify. I pretended I was offended so they accepted
a Pepsi and decided to play another game with me.
I was ready for them: “can you tell who is Murray, who is Erv
and who is Donny?” They were astonished
that I picked each one correctly. They
were so sure-footed that they did not know they had called each other by name
in whispers: my sharp ears always stood me in good stead. When they left, promising to call, I later
heard that Murray and Erv had a lengthy discussion, on the other side of my
front door, about who would ask me out. Apparently at the Hebrew Union College
there was a code of honor: no two men
dated the same girl at the same time.
Murray was elected! I never
found out if they tossed a coin or settled in some other way. Yes Murray and I dated awhile, then as
happens when two people are really not matched, we broke up. The real fun began almost immediately.
The wife of another student invited me to play bridge on a
quiet Sunday evening. I asked who the
fourth player was, she replied “Erv Herman”.
In the intervening time, I had heard a lot about this would-be
rabbi. He was irrepressible and
frequently walking the fine line on the edge of danger. So, I answered my
friend that I did not think he and I were in the same league; unbelievably he
gave her the same answer when she asked him to join us. In as much as our friend complained that she
was only asking us to play bridge, not marry, we both relented and so began the
saga of Erv and Ag Herman.
From that day until I had to return to New York to grad
school, we saw each other every day. And when he visited me in New York in
June, he jumped off the train and said for the world to hear, “as of this
moment we are engaged”! We were
married in October; more than 63 years later cancer took my love…he always
said, “I want to go first so that you can have a couple of years of freedom”. Silly man, did he not understand that I
always preferred to go along!!!
Agnes G. Herman
211 Saxony Rd. Apt# 231
Encinitas,
CA 92024
