Happy I DID IT!

Happy I DID IT…………………………….…….1/27/15
I have no patience with crabby, whining old women and I feared I would get there. I needed to make my life more pleasant, more constructive, I was eager and impatient to stop housekeeping and meet new people. So I moved into Seacrest Village. I played with the idea, its possibilities and repercussions many times in recent months..
As my friends will recall, I even paid a two-day visit to the facility. I needed to have a taste. It was not easy to uproot and turn my back on the wonderful life that Erv and I had carved out of the muck and mud of Lions Gate. He left me to handle it alone almost eight years ago. My safety and comfort were always his prime concern. So for the first time in many years I made a big decision by myself, for myself, and moved without looking back.
At this time more than three weeks after the move, I know I did the right thing. Everyone that I have encountered has been welcoming and kind; those who are not usually have great problems of their own. Just the other day, a woman at breakfast, someone I had not met, was gracious and eager to talk a little. I learned that she has much on her mind. I offered empathy, that appeared to open the spigot of her woes. There was nothing I could do but listen. Her husband had fallen and broken his hip, she was not feeling hopeful about his chances of full recovery. She needed someone to talk to, a listener! I was pleased to be the one.
I am learning that even “young” women and men in their fifties, sixties and seventies carry a burden on their back, a personal portion of the world’s troubles. Everyone has a touch of something unpleasant or worrisome that he/she is willing (often eager) to talk about; it is always clear when the subject is taboo., intuitively we know when to back off. One must tread carefully; show interest but not curiosity. That delicate balance is achieved, I believe through experience. People are as eager to hear others’ stories, as they are to tell their own if we give them an opening. The table, that invited me to join them for the first night’s dinner, have become my dinner table mates. During the week someone picks a topic for discussion, for “table talk”. During the week folks share experiences around the topic of the week. It is interesting that it never interferes with an ordinary day’s reporting: “guess what happened on our bus tour today!” But the subject of the week is kicked around for a week. It is a great way to get to know each other.
The idea of getting to know one another better is consistently a top priority; it is one reason we have come together here. Loneliness has a top spot on all our lists of reasons for choosing Seacrest. I find the folks around me interesting. We are a variety, a cross-section of the American Jewish Community that arrived in America from many places and then made geographic choices that frequently depended on the kids’ location.
So at 93++I have moved to the Seacrest Village retirement home. The physical act of moving is never easy. Packing up to go some other place is never a quick sprint. The baggage we accumulate over the years and through different emotions is a heavy burden that comes along with us, it is not easily shaken off. That baggage has made us who we are today. The need to separate and weed out what we take with us, was, for me, the hardest part of moving. A special friend helped with the actual packing but gave me the ultimate decisions. It was up to me to choose, discard and decide where something would go in my apartment.
I had the good fortune of being able to return for something I had forgotten. But now the house is being readied for sale, I can no longer turn back. So be it! I will either buy a new pot (if I really miss mine) or do without.
I relish the knowledge that I will no longer have to plan my meals or implement the cleanliness of my surroundings. Those perks are awesome. Of course I continue to miss the independence of choosing when to eat, but I retain the privilege of choosing what to eat, there are choices and substitutes in the dining room. Yes, I find I can even have scrambled eggs for dinner, if that is my choice. Dessert will be my downfall because there is always ice cream. At home I did not do dessert…but now it is there to be enjoyed, a couple of extra pounds have found me.
I tell myself, that in as much as I am not trying to entice a man into my apartment, who cares about the waistline? The gym is an important ingredient for my well being. I trust a visit to the gym will offset my indulgences. I am happy that I have moved to Seacrest. I am surrounded by people who are eager to be friendly, to have fun, to enjoy good food, to feel safe and to learn. At 93++ I cannot ask for anything more!

Tribute to My Friends

TRIBUTE TO MY FRIENDS JANUARY 17, 2016

Yesterday when my friends David and Joel came to visit I asked that they bring a hammer and one nail. I had one more clock that needed to be hung on the wall at Seacrest. Of course they brought more than one nail, they are smart enough to know how easily a nail can go astray. They came to see the completed, furnished, decorated transformation of Ag's house into Ag's (much smaller)
apartment. They approved and agreed that the smaller place is roomy enough to stretch your arms
out without touching a wall, It was important to me to have their approval. They have always
treated me like their sister and I in the past needed my big brother's approval, Unfortunately, he is
no longer around. Joel and David do just fine as surrogate brothers.

I had more help too. Lisa Wells came to me after being recommended by another special friend Lisa is a concierge. In hotels, here and abroad a concierge is the most helpful person to go to. Whether it is the route to the theater or the name of a doctor, the closest museum or a nanny for the kids, the concierge has the answer or will find it for you. Lisa was a well of help and information.
At one point, when there was heavy lifting to be done, her boyfriend Greg helped us out with his truck
and his muscle.

Behind the scene and with great patience was my friend and neighbor, Wayne Widener. He is
indeed a loyal friend. I did not count the ways or the days, but I could not have made the move
without Wayne's help. He assured me that he owed me a favor because I allowed him to use my
empty garage. I willingly accepted his reaching out to help. I needed it. I did not try to discover if my garage is equal to the support he offered me as we packed up for my move. Wayne organized
and implemented the whole shootin' match. It seemed to me that we accomplished the packing
without effort and with a lot of energy, all Wayne's!

My kids, my daughter Judi and grandson, Matt were a source of encouragement and support
that I needed as well. They have borne the responsibility for emptying the house: picking and
choosing, sorting and discarding. I am deeply grateful for the help and heavy work that everyone has donated to my welfare.

I do not know how much time is left for me. I do know that, as I have noted before, I am not moving
again. I had a big team helping me and encouraging me; I will not impose on them again. I am too
old to repeat the commotion and I will not burden my friends, and family again, not even one more time.There is no way I can repay the affection and care you all have shown to me. Please
understand I am deeply, sincerely grateful and love you, each and everyone.

TRIBUTE TO MY FRIENDS                                                       JANUARY 17, 2016

   Yesterday when my friends David and Joel came to visit I asked that they bring a hammer

and one nail.  I had one more clock that needed to be hung on the wall at Seacrest.   Of course they

brought more than one nail, they are smart enough to know how easily a nail can go astray. They

came to see the completed, furnished, decorated transformation of Ag's house to Ag's (much smaller)

apartment. They approved and agreed that the smaller place is roomy enough to stretch your arms

out without touching a wall,  It was important to me to have their approval.  They have always

treated me like their sister and I in the past needed my big brother's approval,  Unfortunately, he is

no longer around.   Joel and David do just fine as surrogate brothers.

   I had more help too.  Lisa Wells came to me after being recommended by another special friend

Lisa is a concierge.  In hotels, here and abroad a concierge is the most helpful person to go to. 

Whether it is the route to the theater or the name of a doctor, the closest museum or a nanny for the

kids, the concierge has the answer or will find it for you.  Lisa was a well of help and information.

At one point, when there was heavy lifting to be done, her boyfriend helped us out with his truck

and his strength.
 
   Behind the scene and with great patience was my friend and neighbor, Wayne Widener.  He is

indeed a loyal friend.  I did not count the ways or the days, but I could not have made the move

without Wayne's help.  He assured me that he owed me a favor because I allowed him to use my

empty garage.  I willingly accepted his reaching out to help. I needed it.  I did not try to discover if

my garage is equal to the support he offered me as we packed up for my move.  Wayne organized

and implemented the whole shootin' match.  It seemed to me that we accomplished the packing

without effort and with a lot of energy, all Wayne's!

   My kids, my daughter Judi and grandson, Matt were a source of encouragement and support

that I needed as well.  They have borne the responsibility for emptying the house: picking and

choosing, sorting and discarding.

   I am deeply grateful for the help and heavy work that everyone has donated to my welfare.

I do not know how much time is left for me.  I do know that, as I have noted before, I am not moving

again.  I had a big team helping me and encouraging me;  I will not impose on them again.  I am too

old to repeat this commotion and I will not impose my needs on my friends, not even one more time.

   There is no way I can repay the affection and care you have shown to me.  Please

understand I am deeply, sincerely grateful and love you.

 

Happy I DID IT…………………………….…….01/11/16

   I did not want to become a crabby old woman and I was fast getting there. I needed to make life more pleasant for myself, needed to stop housekeeping and meet new people.  So I decided to move into Seacrest Village.  I have discussed the possibility, such a change has been on my mind for a couple of years.  It was not easy to uproot and turn my back on the wonderful life that Erv and I had carved out of the muck and mud of Lions Gate.   He left me to handle it alone almost eight years ago.  My safety and comfort were always his prime concern.  So for the first time in many years I made the big decision and moved fast.

   At this time more than a week after the move, I believe I did the right thing.  Everyone that I have run into has been welcoming and kind; those who are not,  simply do not make eye contact.  A woman at breakfast one morning, someone I had not met, was gracious and eager to talk a little.  I learned that she has much on her mind, I offered empathy, that seemed to be enough. There was nothing I could do but listen. Her husband had fallen and broken his hip, she was not feeling hopeful about his chances of full recovery.  But despite the worry and fear she needed someone to talk to,  a listener!  I was pleased to listen.

   I am learning that even “young” women and men in their sixties carry a burden, a portion of the world’s troubles, on their back. Everyone has a touch of something unpleasant or worrisome that he/she is willing (often eager) to talk about; it is clear when the subject is taboo.  We are experienced enough in the ways of the world to know when to back off.  One must tread carefully; show interest but not curiosity.  That requires a delicate balance.  People are as eager to hear others’ stories, as they are to tell their own.  Next week at our table we are going to discuss the event in our lives that was the most frightening, scary and threatening.  We discussed the subject and decided “it is not going to be easy, but we will get to know each other better.”  

   The idea of getting to know one another better is consistently a top priority; it is why we have come together here.  I find the folks around me interesting.  We are a variety, a cross-section of the American Jewish Community that arrived in America from many places and then made geographic choices that frequently depended on the kids’ location.

   So at 93++I have moved to the Seacrest Village retirement home.  Moving is never easy.  Packing up to go some other place is never a quick sprint.  The baggage we accumulate over the years and through different emotions is a heavy burden that comes along with us, it is not to be shaken off.  That baggage has made us who we are today.  I relish the knowledge that I will no longer have to plan my meals or arrange for the cleanliness of my walls.  The perks are great.

   Of course I miss the independence of choosing when to eat, but I retain the privilege of choosing what to eat, there are choices and substitutes.  Yes, I find I can even have scrambled eggs for dinner, if that is my choice.  Dessert will be my downfall because there is always ice cream.  At home I did not do dessert…but now it is there to be enjoyed.

   As I am not trying to entice a man to my room, who cares about the waistline?  I have already had a visit to the gym to offset my indulgences.  I am happy that I have moved to Seacrest.  I am surrounded by people who are eager to be friendly, to have fun, to enjoy good food and to feel safe.  At 93++ I cannot ask for anything more!